Mark this as the night I almost killed myself running too hard in the cold.

Literally, almost killed myself…Never have I breathed that hard or wanted to throw up so badly or was that lightheaded or delirious in my life. And then I had to walk up that little hill back up to my house to yell for Pa to give me his inhaler or I didn’t know what would happen.

Also I think I was dehydrated, that definitely didn’t help.

I hate to say it was worth it, but at least I feel somewhat accomplished exercising a LITTLE bit today…

Oh well, it’ll all be worth it in the end I guess, which is hopefully later rather than sooner.

Gonna go to sleep and try to not die, night.

I don’t know what to do. I’m really not one to ask someone out on a date. And I also don’t want him to think I necessarily want to get with him or something. Because I’d never be in a relationship with someone before Loving them, just hoping or thinking that it might turn from love to Love. That’s just dumb, and not to mention, cruel. But I at least want to do something with him. Maybe. Maybe not even a date. But it would be. I think.
It’s just weird. That feeling. I haven’t felt that since the last time Ryan and I slept in the same bed. It felt nostalgic, and nice, but it scared me. I don’t want to fall in Love again. I still haven’t fallen out of the first time. I don’t know. What to do? Maybe start with his number or something. But I don’t think he even has a phone! What a disaster.
I should just Yahoo this.

So many posts on Facebook for the past couple days on what certain people are giving up. And I don’t understand half of them, here’s why.

It’s not just about giving something up for God for forty days. I mean, that’s part of the reason, but anybody could give up anything temporarily. The point of it is to give up something that you’re passionate about, something that you want to actually change about yourself for the better. For good. Not just for forty days.

Like, I saw a post that said, should I give up meat, or Facebook for Lent? And it’s like. Why? Haha, like what is the point? The point is to make a permanent difference in yourself, to make a change. Maybe if you were like Jesus and were going to die after forty days, giving up something for the last forty days of your life would be pretty significant. But after it’s over, you’re just going to keep on living as you had. I guess some people just don’t see the true meaning behind Lent. (Of course, the true meaning behind Lent would be remembering how Jesus spent those forty days in the desert, but ya know, whatever, this is almost as meaningful).

What I’m giving up? Something kind of personal, and then swearing. I swear too darn much, and I miss the times where my heart jumped when I accidentally said a bad word. Now it’s daily, and I say things like they’re nothing anymore, and I don’t like it. So hopefully I can do this, and it’ll last much more than these forty days.

And it’s like, this could go for anyone, not just Catholics, or even just Christians. Take this as an opportunity for change, giving something up temporarily, then eventually for good, once you’ve struggled that long without a certain thing. You don’t have to just do it for God, do it for yourself. You don’t even have to believe in God, just make a change for yourself.

“If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and make a change.”